Entry after three weeks
Its been 3 weeks. Alot of things had happened at work.
Manager finally realised that i seem to have lost the drive to work. She called me in and talk to me for 1plus hr.. Well.. i admitted to her that i have lost the drive to work.
I dunno why.
Maybe the people there simply turns me off. Certain people in particular. Scheming, cunning, bully.. What have you.. Working adults are complicated. Maybe.. like what few friends have said, im too kind. Am I? Always kena bully. People's shit, I have to help them clear. My shit, who is gonna help me clear? Sit there and cry also no one will help me clear.
But well, Im really glad i talked to my manager about the whole thing. She knew alot of things were not done by me even though i refused to tell her who the person who edited my work was. Shall not comment so much la. I see no point also, what is done cannot be undone. Right? So long my manager knows the story herself, see the things clearly, I will be very glad. She asked me..
" Is the job too boring? Or is it too much for you to handle? Or rather, you find it not challenging at all?.."
After she asked me, i pondered for awhile before giving her my answer. I think.. It more or less falls on the first and third question. Sometimes i find it boring. Its all very routined work. I told her.. its not too much for me to handle.. I still can cope with it. And so she asked me.. why din you come and look for me to learn new things?
Well.. its very simple why i din look her up. She's got tight schedule everyday.. for the past 3 weeks that i have joined them and its tough to even ask her a simple question. On top of that, i din wanted to disturb her. After explaining myself, she understood. But.. i told her.. i did asked Ayu what are some of the things that i can help them in. What was the answer i get from her?
"Su Ling, i clear my barang barang first then get back to you. See what things need to be cleared."
Yes, that's what she said. And did she get back to me? Nope.. See? Not that i din bother to ask what are some things i can help them in right? I did ask. No one seem to be willing to share. Maybe they are scared that i take away their livelihood. Maybe not they.. its just "her".
Anyway, after the talk, my manager told me alot of things and assured me that i can always look for her if i got any questions. Be it work or personal, she will want to listen to me. Im glad that she is willing to give me the chance. And something she said touched me alot.
"I expect alot from you. Do you know that? Much more than i expect from Ayu. Don't let me down ya?
Who says Su Ling cannot send emails? Su Ling can also send email. "
Tears rolled down man. =/ I din noe she has such high expectations from me and she knows the worries that i have. She understands me.
*Thanks Geraldine.*
Next day, managing director came to me. He said something as touching or if not, more touching.
"Su Ling, don't worry. You are doing fine. Just have to be a little more pro-active and you can do it. I want to nurture you. I can see the basic ingredients in you."
I am really so touched by the two of them. *Thanks Mr Lim and Geraldine, for having such faith in me.*
Those words from them, really motivates me alot. Really. I feel happier at work if they can realise. People are starting to come to me more now. I can feel my stand in the office at last. Thanks to the 2 important people in my working life for making me feel assured.
Enough of work.
I've finally made a conclusion to the thing that is in my mind for so long. =)
An sms did the wonder, i supposed. I smsed him.
I noe things arent like before anymore. I dun expect us to be close like before.
I will be glad so long he is there for me, like before. He knows.
* Milo, I've done it. - Proud of me? HEE HEE.
